maemaddy asked: Hey, Sabbadgeface, I love you. Just thought I'd remind you :) I'm always here if you need me. You're strong and smart and I know you'll get through this.
It feels like there’s no through it at this point. Lol it’s been happening for so long, almost feels like no end in sight. Thank you.
It felt good to call you back just to say “Fuck you”
It felt good to let you know exactly how I feel.
It felt good to hangout with my friends instead of you.
It felt good to shoot down your proposed plans before you had the chance to break them and hurt me once more.
Fucker.
I don’t even care if it hurts you or not, but it makes me feel better to give you a taste of what you’ve been putting me through. To let myself have what I deserve.
Just thinking about LeakyCon, vacation, when internet friends came to visit, and any point in this summer it wasn’t just Brandon and I, stresses me out. I get so anxious thinking back on it. I turned sixteen in June, and this probably should have been the best year of my life with all the experiences I was handed on a damn silver platter. It was magnificent. But with my entire life changing during all these trips, and new places and faces, I was petrified through out it all. of everyone and everything. too much to have any fun or relax enough tofully enjoy anything. It was too much at once. I needed to hide in my shell and make this transition alone, but I never ever got to do that. I was constantly doing the opposite. He was the only person I felt okay around. at all. I love thinking back to June. Before everything really collapsed. It brings me back to a safe place right before I moved and left my dad and old life behind. Like being wrapped in a warm blanket. Our best friend month. Sometimes I wish we never became more than that, but it seems impossible for all of that not to have happened. i feel like once June rolls around again, everything is somehow going to be okay. A year.
People infuriate me.
Throw a fit when I don’t have time to see you.
and then don’t show up when you’re supposed to.
Fuck Logic.
There is one problem in my life I will never ever get rid of. One thing I will never stop hurting over. I literally broke up with my ex boyfriend so he could do whatever he wanted and I wouldn’t have to worry about it. I just didn’t want to hear about it after a point. I swear to god ever since then, he’s been crawling deeper into my own life. He’s hanging out with my friends now, coming to my school. I straight up just told him he can do whatever he wants, but do not. tell me. anything. This is the hurt I will never get rid of. I am choosing to be blissfully oblivious.
When you ask me what’s wrong and I say nothing, you should probably accept that instead of pushing the issue and save us both the embarassment of the alternative; me wigging out on you.
For a long time if not forever, it is going to dominate importance in my relationship book.
